fun chow

So.  On occasion I get grocery store Chinese food for lunch.  Not so great, but really good if you know what I mean.  And whenever I get Chinese food, I look forward to busting open the fortune cookie at the end.  But not with this Chinese food.  I don’t know who their fortune cookie vendor is, but they are the absolute worst!  They aren’t even fortunes.  There is no “You will travel soon” or “Success is right around the corner” in these little cookies.  They are more “statement cookies.”  Things like, “You know many people.”  And I was getting awfully peeved about the un-fortunes until yesterday when I got this one:

You are a happy man.

…?

Huh?

Just in case you don’t know me (or do know me, but are still confused), I am not a man.

But oh, did I laugh.  And I have it next to my ergonomically positioned monitor at work.  To remind me that if I am a man, at least I am a happy man.

From a rainy-day walk I took with friends to visit an art exhibit.

this is why we can’t have nice things

This is what you get when you stumble into dumb luck and find a great husband:

(A bouquet of sunshine goodness.)

And this is what you get when you don’t put them on the mantle:

(A bouquet of poor, decapitated flowers.)

“What?  It’s not my fault you left them where I could reach them with my teeny little teeth-of-death.”

I saved the flower heads and floated them in giant green margarita glasses.  I would say I learned my lesson, but I’m not quite that smart.  Plus I always think she has reformed her ways.

[Now: a pop quiz.  How many homework assignments am I putting off by writing this post?]

25 things (sorry)

Technically I am supposed to post this list of 25 random facts on Facebook with some sort of note on it because several people put me in their notes even though they should know that I am too lazy busy expanding my mind to figure out how to do that.  So here.  If you have a blog please write your own list so I can read it!

1. I am totally behind the cool-kids curve and decided to finally do this 25 Things meme from Facebook because I love ridiculous self-focused lists (count that as fact #1) and I am posting it on my blog first because…
2. I hate Facebook. It looks ugly.
3. For a full 11 seconds I considered writing these 25 things about my cat. Seriously—that cat is far more interesting than I am.  (Not because I am in any way becoming a crazy cat lady.  Crazy squirrel lady, maybe.)
4. I have stitches on both knees and my left index finger. Left knee when I was 4, right knee when I was 8, and left finger when I was 23.
5. I have met and spoken (very very briefly) with both Tyra Banks and Patton Oswalt.
6. I met Mr. Man when we both worked on/in our university production of Dracula.
7. My arch nemesis is Paul Schaefer. (The band leader for David Letterman.) I’m sure the man is actually very nice and pleasant, but something about his on-air persona and the game-show intro songs THAT ARE ALL THE SAME drive me batty.
8. I have a favorite freckle. It is on the top of my right foot and it is so cute.
9. In third grade making mazes on graph paper was considered the cool thing to do.  A few friends and I thought we might even be able to make a living off of it.
10. In kindergarten I wrote that I was going to be a teacher when I grew up. 22 years later I am now five weeks into getting my teaching certificate.
11. In the eighth grade my aptitude test said I should be a cinematographer. 14 years later I don’t think it is unreasonable that I still believe I will make a movie someday.
12. I keep a list of pet peeves. It helps me keep the irrational irritation under control.
13. I think Jim Henson was a genius. Like Leonardo DaVinci level of genius.
14. I really like cheese. Except not cheddar so much.
15. I love the way that ducks “mutter” to themselves. You know that little qwek-qwek-qwek sound they make as they waddle around. (That one is for Kat!)
16. I used to hate wearing clothing around my neck (i.e. turtleneck sweaters), but now I think scarves are one of man’s crowning achievements. (Thank you Jolie!)
17. Mr. Man once said that I have little pig feet and I still laugh uncontrollably when I tell the story.  (Don’t worry–I don’t really have little cloven feet.)
18. As a child I desperately wanted to come up with a clever April Fool’s joke that wouldn’t be mean or get me in trouble. My solution was to tear off two squares of toilet paper and carefully lay them back over the end of the toilet paper roll so it looked like it was still connected. That way when somebody went to yank some TP out they would end up with just two squares. I thought it was painfully brilliant, but nobody in my family ever mentioned it. I still think it is brilliant. (That one is for Jen.)
19. My earliest memory is from my third birthday, of an old lady holding my Smurf puzzle on the brick ledge outside our house.
20. I have an intense fear of getting a person’s name wrong. I may know their name, but then I second guess myself and don’t say anything. If this has happened to you, I’m not a rude snob, I promise!  I’m just a lunatic.
21. I have 6 email addresses. Don’t ask.
22. If you give me a bag of popcorn I will eat the whole thing, no matter how big it is, or if I’ve already eaten, and then still be hungry.
23. I think the absolute cutest thing in the whole world is when babies chew on their own feet.  Nom nom nom.
24. I used to practice describing books in case I ever got to go on Reading Rainbow.
25. I think that we should call multiple sheep “sheeps.”

HI!!!

It’s me!  Do you remember me?  You know, Tanya, the crazy girl who went back to school and sits in university classrooms full of obnoxious, texting 18-year old girls until 8pm several nights a week?  Uh-oh, I may have accidentally become the angry mature student who sits in the front of class and answers all the questions.  (Not really, but it is getting awfully close.)

Anyway, I have been away from the internet-that-sucks-up-all-my-time in pursuit early Shakespeare, fairy tales (!), short stories from 1889, and New Wave French films.  I am attempting to stay ahead on homework so I can visit with you lovey people and respond to emails.  Really–I’m not (intentionally) ignoring anyone who has posted or emailed or commented.

Outside of school I have continued to do my one-a-day (photo, sketch, & paragraph) EXCEPT FOR ONE FATEFUL DAY LAST WEEKEND!  Ack.  And on that only slightly related note I am going to leave you with a photo out my front window that I think is hilarious.  (But it also totally deserves one of those black bars of modesty, so if you are sensitive to animal nudity you might want to avert your eyes.)

This dude has been living in our front tree for several years.  One year included a lady-squirrel friend, but I think she ditched him for a less pretentious squirrel boyfriend with bigger biceps.  Anyway, this guy likes to taunt our cats and this is his “put-em up” pose.  (Actually, I think he was looking for walnuts, but I imagine him wearing teeny little red boxing gloves.)  I’m fairly adept at naming inanimate objects, but I need help with him.  Any suggestions?

glutton for punishment

The title of this post refers to the fact that tonight was my first night back at school to get my second bachelor’s degree.  (This time in English.)  While working at the desk job most of the day.  Sheesh.  But I shall survive and since I am at the beginning I seem to think that this won’t be so hard.  Wish me luck and I think my posting (nearly) every day will quickly come to an end.  See you soon.

my day was pink

This was most of my day yesterday:

Pink!  Pink desserts, pink balloons, pink tissue paper, and pink feetsie pajamas.  Little Madison will be in here about a month and I can’t wait to be an aunt!

vintage crafts

[Galahad Books (c)1975]

I am still not quite sure what possessed me to pick up this book (for $0.70), other than it makes me smile.  Style from the 1970s tends to make me smile.

Oh, maybe I bought it so I could knit golf cozies like those.

Or slightly creepy stuffed animals.  (Although, done right these could be cute.)

Now, it claims to be A-Z of Handicrafts, but stretches it with “Useful Tools” for U and doesn’t even try to come up with X or Y.  Now, X, I understand. Everybody knows that the only X word in A-Z lists are xylophones.  But they leave out Y?!  How about Yarn Socks or Yo-Yo Cozie?

Now, this guy is actually pretty adorable.

best blanket ever

This is undeniably the world’s best blanket.  I have a very distinct memory of this being given to me (along with a Disneyland sweater) even though I was only four years old.

I think there was a period of time in my teens when I thought it was so totally not cool, but it made its way with me to my first apartment where I’m sure Jolie remembers it in all its cheesy glory.

I love all the little details like the leaves and the tail feathers on the birds and the animals’ eyelashes.

Don’t you want to cuddle up with it?!  (Mr. Man might try to act tough, but this is secretly his favorite blanket too.)

not me

I have decided I talk about myself plenty and now I want to share some handmade things that I didn’t make that cheer up my home.

First up, my friend Shiela made this lovely bookmark with my favorite citrusy colors.

It makes me happy when I use it!  Partly because it is a happy bookmark, partly because I can stop using receipts or one of those cards that falls out of magazines, and partly because it reminds me that a friend of mine spent the time making it just for me.  I have some crafty friends.

Also I once won a blog giveaway from the very talented Skinny LaMinx. One of her hand-cut bird magnets now presides over all the other magnets on my fridge.

This picture doesn’t do it justice–this thing is probably 6 inches tall and intimidates almost all the other magnets.  It has nothing on the Chuck Norris magnet though!